Chloe's life.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Today is my ah gong's first death anniversary.

He left my family and I a year ago.

No doubt, I still miss him.

And the dream about 2 weeks back just jolted back so much of my memories.

As I was looking through my old, old blogposts, I realised how many pictures I've lost, due to nothaving an external harddisk; and how much I've changed, in terms of looks and mentality!

I was just talking about my long hair previously with my project mates, and thus, at saving the pics, I found that I'd changed soooo much.

Even with short hair, I've still got so many styles/different cuts! Haha.

It's seriously amazing how many people are at my blog at the same time, my first time seeing at my own blog, 9 online users together! COOL.

Labels: ah gong, thoughts

♥ 11:12 PM

Sunday, July 13, 2008

My uncle passed away this morning.

MANY coincidences with my ah gong.
1. It was at the 2-7th week after my ah gong's death.
2. The last 4 digits on the death cert of my uncle's was the SAME with my ah gong's.
3. Their don't know what house address was the same.
4.
5.

Think there were at least 5, but, couldn't remember the other 2 or so.

The without chilli-Black Fried Carrot Cake, that I'd loved, when I was young.
My ah gong would always go and buy for me.
I went back to eat at the same stall today.

Although I wasn't particularly close to this uncle, I felt a lot for his family.
They had to face the loss of another loved one, just in a short span of two weeks.
They are really strong.

And, heard from my mum that kids of my other uncles, will have to represent their parents, 'cos my other uncles and aunt actually just lost their dad (my ah gong), so, they cannot actually 'offer joss-sticks' and such to my uncle.
Therefore, the younger generation will have to represent their parents.

And this will lead to another thought,
which to another action,
which will spin another story.

That's it.

That's all I wanna say, I think.

Labels: ah gong, people, thoughts, uncle

♥ 11:19 PM

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Ah Gong's Funeral

After school on Friday, had practice of Kanon, with Brenda, Fabian, and Hui Xian.
It was not bad afterall, for my first prac with them.

This is the song, that I played, with SITI NURULHUDA (who's gone missing for a long long time, but, reconnected via Friendster) at Mr Tong's Orchestra.
It's a long, long song, but with only 8 different repeated notes over and over again, for the cellos.

Therefore, it can be boring at times too.
Well, camwhored with Mr.Hui Xian.
SUPER RANDOM SHOTS.
Shall post when I have the time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After this, went back home, and changed to go to Ah Gong's wake.
Didn't go home, and I stayed there all the way till Sunday man.
Only had a few hours of sleep in total in these few days.

Throughout this few days, really spent some great time with a few cousins - Bee Hoon, 'Frankenstein', Ah Gou.
But, for some other cousins, didn't really get the chance to talk to them, or I should say, break that "WALL" between all of us.

As cousins, we should be close to each other.

Why is it that it seems like we don't know each other, or we are like strangers being put together at the same table?

Or even worse, we are strangers who aren't open and friendly at all, despite being put at the same table to interact?

The newer bonded ones - Bee Hoon, Frankenstein, and Ah Gou, we were talking about starting Cousins' Union, or something like that, like meeting out for lunch/dinner, or shopping trips, outings, and such, to build up the relationships.

I wonder when it'll work man..........

Haha.

Saturday was the RITUAL DAY?

Thanks Li Wei and Vincent for coming. (:

Really appreciate the efforts and thoughts of the CG as well. (:

In the afternoon, at around 2, 3+, had the rituals for the sons and daughters, as well as those inner side grandchildren.

At night, it was the ritual for everyone - sons and daughters, grandchildren - inner and external, and even the great grandchildren were not spared.

We'll need to arrange ourselves according to your positions, and according to gender.

As I was one of the oldest who's right at the back, I had to look after the great grandchildren - Phoebe, Ericsson, and Anson.

They're super playful, I tell you.

We also had to throw coins into the basin, which was compulsory during the first and last rounds.

They said, "The more you have left, the better."

Then, we'll have to go and burn those things, like the house, car, maids, money, and etc.

And hit the floor with sticks/rods?, with everyone kneeled down in a circle.

It was Sunday.

Sunday was the important day.

There's the last ritual, the band, the big-headed dolls, and don't know what.

We walked all the way out to the main road, and still, I had to look after Phoebe, Ericsson, and Anson.

As Anson was the youngest and the naughtiest, I really had to hold him properly while we were walking out.

But, because he was very tired, he wasn't really that hyper and such.

In addition, he asked some really cute questions.

A: Why we need to walk? I very tired. Don't want to walk.

Me: Anson, we need to send Lao Gong (how he called my ah gong). He's going to a far, far place.

A: Where is he now?

Me: There *pointed to the coffin*. He's inside.

A: Why walk? Why cannot take bus? You carry me la. I very tired. I want to see the box.

Me: *carried him* Can see the box? Now we walk, later got bus bring us send Lao Gong further away.

A: Yes. Ok. I want to send Lao Gong. I see the bus already. Got 3 leh, 1, 2, 3 *counted*.

Me: Hmmm, clever boy, Anson. You must walk, you know. It's respect and love for Lao Gong leh.

A: Ok, I not tired le. Put me down. I walk.

Me: *put him down* Yi Yi (aunty), why must Lao Gong be inside that box, and so many people must carry him? *I was stunned.* Because a lot of people love Lao Gong. You love Lao Gong also, right? He always buy things for you.

A: Ya, I love him also.

Then he continued to walk, and talk, and play, and look, and focus.

He's just so real, just like any kid.

That's why I like children.

Took bus to Mandai, to the crematorium.

Wah, that place was cool. So peaceful.

When ah gong was about to be cremated, the whole scenerio was so different.

Wailings, tearing, crying, were all present.

Just look at the coffin, being moved into the crematorium (automated), and you'll just feel something in you. At first it was nothing much to me. But, just seeing everyone around me crying, wailing, tearing, my first feelings all came back.

Monday morning, Mum and Dad left home early, to go to meet up with the rest of my relatives, to go back to Mandai to pick up ah gong's ashes.

They said they his bones burnt beautifully.

His remainings had 舍利子/花, which were parts of the Chinese Karma revolution thingy - meaning that if you're someone who'd done a lot of good things in life, you'd have them in your burnt remainings.

Well, don't want to talk much already.

AND AND AND, I'm REALLY, REALLY OK!

I want to do soooooo many things!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAN SI QI!

Love you.

Thanks for everything you've done to me, for me, in me.

Thank God for you.

Labels: ah gong, cousins, friends, people, PRSSCO, thoughts

♥ 11:43 PM

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

First day + Second day of the wake

Yesterday was the first day of the wake.
Woke up rather early too.

Had a great breakfast with family at a nearby coffeeshop, before we cabbed down in 2 cabs to the place.

Mum spoke a lot of things to me.
She was like saying how peaceful ah gong's death was.
He passed away only after he'd seen ah ma, just like sleeping.

It really touched me.
Their LOVE STORY.

In short : AH GONG passed away really peacefully.
And this is something that we should be relieved of.

There were lots of things to do there.
Learnt quite some things too.
Ah boy kor kor thought me and bee hoon how to fold '元宝(don't know correct not, haha)' using the paper.
Bee hoon aka SIAO ZHA BOR number 2 = Hui Yun
Bee hoon was really funny.
I'd thought I was slow, but she was even slower.

But, for folding the even easier shapes, I took sooo long to understand it.
She at first thought it was tough, in the end, she asked around, and SIAO ZHA BOR number 1 was like laughing so soooo loudly about it!!
SIAO ZHA BOR number 1 = Ah Bee

And of course, I was known as SIAO ZHA BOR number 3 = me.
Haha.

Saw cousins that I haven't seen for a long time, and had small little chats with them.

Came back at around 8+ with my sis, and reached home around 9.15pm?
Wanted to finish all my homework due the next day.
In the end, just by sitting down and doing it, I was like dozing off.

My dad was like chasing me to go to bed.
I was just trying my best to stay awake, but to no avail.
In the end, without finishing my work, I went to bed.

Today, the second day, didn't go to school, for I couldn't get up, and my whole body is aching like don't know what.
And so did my sis!
Only my bro went to school, for he came back super early with dad yesterday.

I saw my grandfather's 'obituary/death notice' at the chinese newspaper - 联合早报 .
At least he 子孙满堂.

FACT OF THE DAY: His 2 daughters - my 阿姨 and my mum, actually both married men of the same surname = 杨!

It was really nice seeing all his 外孙子女 all with the surname 杨.
I know it's kinda random. Haha.

Did some stuffs for mum, and went for lunch outside.
Did some marketing.

Came back home since, and had been at this post.
Li Wei came and visited me.
Thanks a lot for that chat!

Well, I just want to thank all who've been with me, encouraging me, consoling me, etc!
I am fine!
THANK YOU!

Thank you ,
my CG,
my close friend (you'd a post at your blog) - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
my classmates, and gang,
TSZ WING,
Belinda,
my family,
Nicole,
and to everyone else!!!!!

Love you all.

I will move on with life.

Surrending it all to You.......
I surrender all and I will follow You.
I surrender all and bring my life to You.
I surrender all and live my life for You.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
to You Jesus.

Labels: ah gong, cousin ah bee, cousin HY, family, fine, people, random, Thanks, thoughts

♥ 4:45 PM

Monday, June 30, 2008

A dedication to my dearest ah gong

This is the only pic that I have of me and my ah gong in the com.

Today, 30th June 2008 (Monday) marks a very important day for me.
Today, a day worth remembering.
Today, a day that one of my dearest left me.
Today, a day of sadness.
Today, yet another day of joy.

My dearest ah gong left this world at 6.42pm this evening.
I'm glad, 'cos there's not going to be anymore suffering for him on earth.
It's a STOP to all of it.
I'm sad, 'cos he's someone whom I will never forget.

He would always say this to my dad about me, "Long long time ago, at the 'sua teng', still so small.
Now ah, so big already, become woman liao ah."
My dad was nicknamed "Che Da Pao (Boaster), by my ah gong.
The story of it all was really very funny.

My ah gong really loves me a lot.

He'd kept all the cards, be it New Year Cards, Birthday Cards, or whatever cards and gifts that I'd made for him and ah ma, all in a drawer.

Whenever relatives come, he'd proudly tell them that those things are made by his beloved granddaughter.

Once, when I stayed over at their house for 2 weeks or so, about 6 years ago, when I was only about 10 years old, in Pri. 4, 'cos my helper went back to her hometown for a short holiday.

Almost every other day, my ah gong despite his old age, would walk down to a nearby coffee shop, to buy my used-to-be favourite BLACK FRIED CARROT CAKE.

I'm really proud of him.

He came over to Singapore, with ah ma, and first uncle, who was still a young child then, from China.

They went through World War II.

He owned a farm, at Sembanwang.

He raised up 9 children.

He was such a strong man, who fought 2 battles with diseases, and he won!

He knew that it was his time to leave today.

He was wanting to go home.

He'd said before that he wanted to die peacefully at home.

But, before he was discharged, he passed away.

Ah gong, I just want to say I love you so much.

It was really saddening for me to face this fact.

But, it's all part and parcel of life.

The news was broken to me in a very unexpected way.

My mum just called my dad, when I thought she was asking what we'd like for dinner, in the end, this painful news was released to me.

I was really like.........

But, at least I got to see ah gong for the last yesterday.

He knew that I was there.

He even opened his eyes.

He even went on to holding my hands.

It really hurt me to see him having tubes being poked all over him.

At least, it's all over for him now.
He will not need to suffer so much now.

In loving memory of you, my dearest ah gong.

Labels: admire, ah gong, dedication, Love, proud

♥ 11:59 PM

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Just came back from visiting my ah gong, and my uncle about an hour or so ago..

To think my ah gong who was didn't open his eyes at all actually it today!
He can recognise me, my sis and my bro!
My mum told me my ah gong only got like the most, another 1 week to live only.

As for my uncle, he's really in great pain.
He was like yelling here and there.

Labels: ah gong, uncle

♥ 5:46 PM

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

阿公 and 大舅

Granddad and First Uncle were both hospitalized at the same time yesterday night.
They went into the same hospital, stayed on the same floor, was in the same ward, just across each other.

In real life, they stayed just next to each other, and now, even in the hospital, they are just nearby.
My mum said it's just such... an irony?

Well, both conditions were rather serious.

One suddenly had a fever, after the other one had his body temperature back, after losing it.
My mum made it sound so scary.

Too bad I can't go and see them.
It's all too sudden.

Labels: ah gong, family, worries

♥ 7:34 PM

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Vulnerability of Life

In life, we face a lot of problems.
In life, we face this thing called death.

People come and people go.
When it's time, they'll just leave.

Had a small chat with mum this morning, before going to bed (I slept at 3am) .
Though it was short, it was good.

I came to know of situation from my maternal family's side.
Some serious, some cute and funny, some happy.

Anson was really cute, with what he did.
Cousin Ah Bee is getting married.
Granddad, and First Uncle, as well as Small Uncle - serious.

Just had to be prepared for anything that may be coming along the way.

Once, First Uncle suddenly began biting his own tongue all of a sudden, and he seemed like he's in a trance or something like that.
Luckily, my cousin who went to check on him, saw this, and screamed, and everyone came rushing in to stop him.

When he finally came beck to his right mind, he said he don't know what went on just now.
And, he can't remember a thing.
My mum told me that it was the 牛头马面, coming to take his life (my mum isn't a believer yet), and my uncle was just fighting back.

He's still alive now, but he's really weak physically, and he's also very skinnier.

As for my ah gong, it was in the year 2004, when I was in primary 6, when he was diagnosed with a cancer, he really fought a real good battle against it, and he won.
This year, another big incident happened, and he won the battle too.

And now, he's just getting weaker and skinnier day by day.
The doc said we can only take a step by a step each day.

As for my smallest uncle, it's due to his lifestyle, and he's diagnosed with liver cirrhosis.

Life is just so vulnerable.
Anything can happen to anyone.

Really treasure whatever you have.
Don't wait till it's all too late.

Labels: ah gong, family, life, people

♥ 3:47 PM

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Ah Gong. (:

Went to visit my ah gong in the hospital yesterday, after I came back home from studying in the library.

I couldn't make up my mind as to whether I want to go and visit him or not, when my dad asked me if I wanted to go and visit him, 'cos I've got an exam today.

But, when my mum came out of her shower, and said that ah gong's condition has worsened, my heart literally "fell"?

I just felt so much that I needed to go.

And so, I went, without bathing, and I was like.... so smelly.

We took a taxi there.

And, even just on the way, I was like tearing...

Upon reaching, saw cousin HY, and her mum, sitting at the taxi-stand there, and their eyes were red and watery.. My aunt told us a little on what ah gong had said to them.

Went upstairs. Ah gong was alone.

Just seeing him, and the difficult that he has in speaking, I cried.

Tears just fell so naturally.

Then another cousin, cousin Ah Bee came.

She saw me, and asked why I cried.

I told her, you'll know it yourself.

In the end, within another 3 mins, she's also crying.

Then ah gong said some very 'funny' things and such.

After that, went to visit my first uncle.

He's in the same hospital with ah gong.

Well, when ah gong was admitted, he was discharged from the hospital.

If he wasn't discharged, then he and ah gong would be neighbours.

Their beds were just beside each other.

That's a irony, ain't it? Haha.

My ah gong still can joke about with us, and mimic some of my uncles who smokes, and do so many other things.

Thank God, he's discharged today.

And, I'll be visiting him at ah ma's house later.

There's still SS and emaths test tmr!

There's a small small irony.

Haha.

Such things usually happen in my major year.

If I'm not wrong, before this time, when ah gong was admitted to the hospital, it was during my PSLE year. But, I think I've finished it already.

And this time round, it's my 'O' level year. And, I haven't started it yet. Instead, this time round, it is my mid-year exams.

Well, I shall leave everything to God.

Since He brought me to it, He'll bring me through it.

I love you, ah gong!

Labels: ah gong, exams, Help, people, tears

♥ 5:45 PM

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